I tweeted earlier this morning that, “now, more than ever, it’s important to be out as an atheist – we are normal, friendly people; we are your bus drivers, school teachers, doctors, waitstaff, garbage collectors, lawyers, bank tellers, hair dressers, etc. we are #atheist.” And it really is a critical time to be out as an atheist. Why? I recently received a Facebook message that reminded me of why. It said:
I recently came across your blog . . . and I just wanted to let you know that you are such an inspiration to me, having the courage to come out as an atheist . . . I love your blog already and just thanks for being my inspiration to not be afraid of almost anything!
As an out atheist, I inspired this person. I am courageous in this person’s eyes; I am a role model. And you know what? I don’t care if this person is the only person that I make a difference for, since at least I made a difference for someone. However the importance doesn’t stop there; not only do out atheists provide inspiration and hope for other atheists, we shape the face of atheism for questioning minds. We are, in a way, responsible for showing those questioning minds that atheism makes sense, that atheism is the answer to their questions, and that they won’t regret turning to atheism.
I don’t remember exactly why I first decided to come out as an atheist (likely to explain why I refused to recite the Pledge of Allegiance every morning) but I know it’s a decision that I’ve never looked back on. The friends I’ve made, the community I’ve found, it’s a decision that I can’t regret even if I wanted to.
Since I’m a role model of sorts now (or, at the minimum, a loud voice with a blog that keeps popping up on the internet), I thought it would be helpful to provide some tips for coming out as an atheist. The very first thing that I did when coming out was identify a base of support. I asked myself, “Who can I count on to have my back as I do this?” Fortunately for me, I had my parents and all of my siblings to fall back on. Next, I looked at my friends; I wondered which friends would stay by my side and which would leave. I assessed religious affiliation and length of friendship and accurately guessed which friends I would still have after coming out. Then I thought about what I should do as an out atheist, what my goals should be. This is how I ended up as an executive officer in my high school’s GLBTQ group; I was looking for a community of my own but further, I was looking to provide support for others nervous about being true to themselves. Then my freshman year of college, I joined my school’s freethinkers club (which I am now the president of) for the same reasons.
Honestly, I think it might be even easier now to find a support base with popular sites like Facebook, Reddit, and Twitter, and not to mention the myriad of atheist/freethinker blogs (check out my blogroll as a place to start, and then check out the blogrolls of those blogs, then the blogrolls of those blogs, etc). Here are some fantastic resources, as well:
- American Atheists article on coming out
- Richard Dawkins’ Out Campaign
- Atheist Revolution article on coming out to a Christian family
Last but not least, I’d like to open up my own inbox as a safe haven. I check my Facebook, Twitter, and Youtube accounts often (all of which you can find on my sidebar) and while I may not be the most intelligent, the most outspoken, the most ‘whatever’ atheist, I’m willing and able to provide support and encouragement. And remember, it may not always be easy, but it is always worth it.
9 Comments
Honestly, I find the language you use here – and the comparison made explicit by the first article you linked to – incredibly offensive. The implication is that the experience of realizing that you are an atheist and the persecution, name-calling, marginalization is comparable to the experience of coming out as gay. People may kill in the name of religion, but in the US, in this day and age, you don’t hear about people being killed, beaten up, committing suicide, relentlessly name-called every single day because they were atheist. As far as I know, there is no word to describe atheists that is anywhere near as offensive as – forgive me – “faggot”.
Honestly, comparing the google searches for “atheist hate crimes” and “gay hate crimes” makes your language nothing short of sad – I suggest you peruse this basic Wikipedia article to be enlightened – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Violence_against_LGBT_people. I’m not saying that using this language of “coming out” is always wrong, just as long as you militantly assert that the experiences and persecution are NOT the same. That is not to say that it isn’t hard being an atheist, but it’s just not the same, and the comparison offends.
Elizabeth, sorry it’s taken me so long to get back to you, but I’ve been a bit caught up with things lately and wanted to make sure I had appropriate time to respond to you in full. With that said, there are quite a few things I want to point out. First, the language used here (i.e. “coming out of the closet”) is one that I wasn’t familiar with in terms of the atheist movement until about a year or so ago when I first learned of the Richard Dawkins Out Campaign (see my second link). The comparison is not made explicit simply by my blog post nor by the first article I linked, but rather the entire thing. I’ve copied and pasted a segment of the Wikipedia page on the Out Campaign here:
“Dawkins, a proponent of the movement, attributes the idea of the OUT campaign to R. Elisabeth Cornwell, the executive director of his foundation. She has stated that the gay rights movement was a source of inspiration for the campaign.”
With that in mind, I used the language here because I endorse the campaign. But that’s not because I’m endorsing the idea that the experiences and persecution are the same. I know the statistics, I know the facts, I know the information (and further, your link to the Wikipedia page was nothing short of personally insulting); I’ve intimately experienced persecution as a bisexual (I was beat up and harassed nearly every day in middle school while/because I had a girlfriend) and watched others experience it (my sister and her wife, friends, other loved ones). I was the VP of my high school’s GLBTQ group and have been involved with my college’s group on a regular basis.
However I think there is more persecution, name-calling, and marginalization towards atheists than you might think. If you’d like, here is a link from the Friendly Atheist titled, “Hate Crimes Against Atheists: Not Reported or Not Happening?” from 2008. There has been a lot of discussion in the past few years of what persecution atheists experience and why, as a minority that is generally hated and distrusted, there isn’t more. Speculation ranges from the idea that it just isn’t happening to the idea that atheists really aren’t recognizable and thus make difficult targets. If you’d like, I can provide you with a few personal stories to look into (the best I can think of now is Damon Fowler, if you haven’t heard of his story).
But you are right: the experiences vary greatly from group to group as well as person to person, and the comparison falls short of a great one. I think the best that I can say for why I really endorse the campaign, and thus the language, is a quote from Richard Dawkins that says: “… there is a big closet population of atheists who need to come out.”
Hi Rose.
I’m skeptical that you tweeted 235 characters but I’m now following you on Twitter to see what else you can manage.
Congratulations on your new web site and vlog. Keep up what you’re doing. I think if I lived in the US I’d refuse to say the pledge of allegiance until they fix it. I think in most ways we’re more secular in the UK, but then again at least you actually have an constitutional establishment clause whereas we have an established state church.
Good luck with the site.
-Lee
“[W]e are your bus drivers, school teachers, doctors, waitstaff, garbage collectors, lawyers, bank tellers, hair dressers, etc.”
Sounds like that cool line in “Fight Club”.
Hi Rose,
I think your rant is refreshing, it’s great to hear someone your age take a stand on issues they believe in. First the bad news, Elizabeth is right in many ways but she (I’m assuming) is also wrong in ways. It’s true that many people who are atheist may feel like it’s really a big deal but in truth it’s not. Part of the problem I think is that some people will claim to be an atheist but not really know what it means to be one. Kind of like being an agnostic or any other belief structure for that matter and not knowing what they believe in either. And other than in rear situations Elizabeth is right there’s really not the hate as you project. But I do understand how hard it is for some to make an admission of where they stand on an issue that could be difficult on a relationship with close family and friends. On the other side Elizabeth makes it sound like every gay person has the same problems as many blacks did after the depression. When there is nothing further from the truth. I have had a very diverse group of friends in the past and none has ever indicated to me any hardships they faced at the hands of others. All that being said I have some questions for you if you don’t mind.
1. You indicate your family may be christens, if so have you personally read the bible from cover to cover? And if so what did you think of it?
2. Other than stating that you are an atheist, what are your beliefs and what does being an atheist mean to you?
3. Can you explain why it’s important for you to make a big issue about “coming out” as an atheist and do you think you’ll have a better life for doing so?
Let me state for the record I would not call myself an atheist nor do I call myself a christen or even an agnostic or for that matter any other pop science name either. I would like to believe that I am enlightened but I’ll leave that for others to judge.
I look forward to hearing your answers if you please,
Bob
Bob,
I reiterate what I said to Elizabeth, the experiences vary greatly from group to group as well as person to person, and I think it would be unwise of us to make blanket statements about any of it. The hate towards atheists is there, trust me, it’s just not necessarily coming out in the same ways as it has towards gays and, as you mention, blacks (see the link I provided in my reply to Elizabeth for speculation on why). I’m happy to answer your questions, so here goes:
1. My immediate family is diverse, but the majority of my father’s extended side is christian, Southern Baptist to be exact. I have not personally read the bible from cover to cover, but what I’ve read of it, I find it largely confusing, hypocritical, folkloric, and insulting. However that is likely because I am commonly pointed towards sections to read to discover that they are hypocritical, insulting, etc.
2. I am an atheist but further I am a skeptic. This means that I don’t believe in any supernatural things (gods included); I’m just as likely to reject belief in god as I am to reject belief in unicorns. It also means that I try to be as non-dogmatic as possible in all aspects of my life.
3. It’s important for me to emphasize my personal “coming out” because I value the idea of living truthfully; as far as my emphasis on others “coming out,” it’s also because I value honesty, for I know and understand the difficulties of living a lie or a coverup. I do think I will have a much better life for doing so, yes. Since coming out, I have found friends and loved ones, a whole community, that support me, and I have taken more time to understand life, death, science, folklore, illness, nature, etc.
Hello, nice work on the site. I found this site from your response to the whole elevator thingy. (Kudos on that btw.)
I’d like to give a viewpoint from another country, and in the following I’ll do just that.
For the coming out, I never had to come out. I’ve never denied that I’m an agnostic atheist. When relevant, I’ve said so in clear manners. There was never any pressure for me to stay shut about this issue. My family wasn’t religious and my mother actually didn’t like religion at all. (A book I found at home depicting the unethical ideals / behaviour found in Kor-An* made my mother, and later me, equally disgusted.)
The circle of friends I have are nearly uniformly agnostic atheist or purely agnostic. (Although I must confess it’s not a very large group of people.)
But this state of freedom is fairly rare. Many – if not most – people in my country vote with their religion (as is in the US). And in contrast to US, there’s not a largely recognized institution providing help and guidence in matters of secular thought. And the thing most needed is an institution like that. But in my country, economic power is in the hand of the religious. (It’s called green-market, in reference to the green color of the Kor-An.)
In the comment section of an online poll, many people express their views about evolution. Most of the commenters say evolution is a religion or that it’s a debunked scientific theory or some even say that it’s a philosophy!**
Given this mindset, I don’t know if it is possible to rally people for secular thoughts at all… End of reflection.
PS: The only point of this post was to share something that was somewhat relevant in a place where there was not a large populace of fans.
* Kor-An: I don’t know if this is the proper writing of the name of the book in English. I should also note that Islam is the major religion in my country. (Turkey – but not the one that you eat.)
** Here’s the link to the poll (I should note that it’s in Turkish): Click Here
Hey Rose, it’s Rose! ;D
Yes, it is important. That’s why there’s The Coming Out Godless Project. A place for atheists to see what others have been through and share their story. You can submit here: http://comingoutgodless.com/submit/ We’d love to hear your story, Rose, and any of your commenters/fans. :~)
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